The baby feeding issue

It will come as no surprise to most Mums that how to feed a baby can be a contentious issue. Those who bottle feed can feel judged by those who breastfeed. Those who schedule feed can tend to be judgemental of those who "demand feed" - and vice versa. Those who breastfeed for one year or six months often express judgment of those who feed their children for two years or four. Whenever these conversations come up, I like to churn out my standard line. "Each to their own, each to their own", I say!

This is not because I believe the Bible has nothing specific to say about the baby feeding issue. It is because I believe the Bible speaks very clearly to this issue, and encourages us to take an "each to their own" attitude. Romans 14 indicates that we not to judge others based on what they eat. Food is one of the "doubtful things" over which we are not to get into disputes (Romans 14:1).

I am uncomfortable when Romans 14 is applied to anything and everything, from pot smoking to belly dancing. This type of application amounts to the idea that anything that is not specifically mentioned in the Bible is an area of total Christian liberty. I attempted to counter this argument in my post "Sure, you can be a Christian polygamous, petrol sniffing, right wing racist if you like". Romans 14 tells us which matters it is speaking of - food and special days. Baby milk falls into the category of food, does it not? Therefore we shouldn't be spending our days commenting on what others are doing.

Joyful Motherhood

Psalm 139:9 says "He grants the barren woman a home, like a joyful mother of children. Praise the LORD!". As I read this verse, it struck me that "joyful" and "mother" are not words I think of together often! I was further challenged on this point when I listened to a Nancy Campbell teaching CD. Nancy shared her belief that God wants us as women to not just be mothers but joyful mothers.

How different this image God provides is to what we often see around us. I don't know about you, but when I think of words to describe the Mums I have known "joyful" is not the first word that comes to mind. Here are some of the things I might think of:

*Self-sacrificing
*Tired
*Frustrated
*Patient
*Perseverant
*Anxious
*Long suffering

What about you?

After listening to the teaching CD, I chaged my prayer for children somewhat. I began to pray that I would become a joyful mother of children. I knew that becoming a joyful Mum, when so many Mums I had known were not characterised by joy, would be just as much an act of God as the conception and birth of a child for us. This prayer has become a continual one for me, as I am constantly reminded of the many ways that it is easy to radiate anything but joyful motherhood! Even pregnancy brings many challenges . . . and I can easily see myself becoming a complaining not a joyful mother!

Here are some of the things I think may steal mothers' joy:

Anxiety for our children and ourselves. God's word repeatedly reminds us not to be anxious. However, if you are anything like me you are not very good at obeying this command.

Self-imposed pressure or pressure from others to do, do, do - and do it just right! Unlike Jesus' yoke, the yokes we impose on ourselves are often heavy.

Comparison with others. God's word speaks to this and tells us that each one should "examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another" (Galatians 6:4).

I believe there may also be things that contribute to a joyful attitude:

Confidence in God's purpose for us as mothers - the deep assurance that God has created us for this role and he will provide all we need to do it.

Trust is a closely related concept. Trust that God will do what is best for us and our children.

Knowledge that in laying down our lives we find them. We do not need to chaff against the self-sacrifice and loss of space and time that are basic to motherhood. Instead, we can see this as one way of being like Christ in dying to our own desires. If we know that this self-sacrifice is the path to true joy, we are comforted in the changes and sufferings that motherhood brings.

Investing all our energy and passion into what God has called us to at this time. There are countless opportunities out there to better ourselves, to serve others, to "escape the kids", etc. Often, the opportunities are the worst temptations! "Good" things that actually take us from what we are primarily called to do as wives and mothers, and increase that self-imposed pressure. I have even experienced this in pregnancy.

I am just starting out on my journey of being a Mum . . . so I'd love to hear from more experienced readers about what you believe keeps us from being joyful Mums and what helps us to live out God's heart for us - joyful motherhood!

Entrusting our dreams to God

We serve a God who can do the impossible. In August two years ago I wrote a long post about courtship, which I’ve summarised in some of these posts. At the end of my article I wrote: “After all this, you have to actually like the person . . . or preferably fall in love! If that all seems impossible, as it does to me often, remember that we serve a big God who loves to see his people happy and functioning effectively for his kingdom.”

I’ve been amazed at how God has answered my prayers. Marriage has been better than I ever imagined, and I still marvel at the way God brought Dave all the way across the world! I rejoice in the way we are able to support and love each other. At the same time, marriage has made me realise again the importance of trust. Singleness is a real trial to many people, especially those who struggle with sexual desires that cannot be fulfilled or with loneliness. Yet marriage can bring with it its own particular unfulfilled longings.

God chose to withhold the gift of children from Dave and I in the first year of our marriage. We always knew he might do so, and that it might even be his will that we were permanently childless. Our marriage vows contain a deliberate acknowledgement of this. We did not promise to raise “our children” to know and love Jesus, we promised this for “any children God gives us”.

Yet despite this mental acknowledgement, we experienced a lot of fear about why we weren’t getting pregnant. Many negative and even sinful emotions emerged. As the seemingly endless pregnancy announcements kept coming, we wondered if there was something wrong with us. Of course, the announcements that were attended with the label “unexpected” were the hardest.

Now that God has blessed us with an unborn child, I am still laying down dreams. The desire to adopt a child runs very deep. Yet if anything, getting pregnant has made this harder. I’ve had to repent of wanting to control situations in order to be able to adopt. Only God will enable us to adopt, just as only God could give us a biological child. It has got to be his dream, not ours.

In the face of unfulfilled dreams, we all have a choice: trust God, or be miserable and without hope. We must say with the hymn Prince of Peace, Control My Will “May thy will, not mine be done, May thy will and mine be one”. This is particularly hard when we know that what we want is in line with the general will of God. Marriage is the general will of God, as is bearing children and the placement of orphans in families. It is right to desire these things, but we must want the fulfilment of God’s specific will for our lives more – even if it means we are denied the very things we believe God’s word leads us to desire.

God does not call us to an emotionless life. Unfulfilled dreams will, at times, be a source of grief. We can entrust our broken lives, and crushed hopes, to God and know that he does not condemn our sorrow. Yet in the midst of this God is calling those who are hurting to trust Him and believe He knows best. As we seek God, He will provide ways for us to serve Him in the circumstances He has appointed. It is in God that we find our ultimate hope and inheritance, not in earthly families and relationships. He wants us to desire Him above all else.

God's plan of adoption

God sets the solitary in families
Psalm 68:6

This Bible verse is the basis for my passion for adoption as a care option for orphaned or abandoned children. Apparently, there are over 100 million orphaned children in the world. These children have been left alone, without a family to care for them. I believe that God’s ideal for each of them is that they would have a loving family. While other care options (such as institutional care) can provide for physical needs, the family is God’s best way of providing long-term love, emotional connection, and social networks.

Adoption is also a concept rooted in the Christian doctrine of salvation. God uses the words adopted and adoption to describe his actions toward us. This is a precious thing to remember at Christmas. We are God’s children because he sent his son to die for our sins, so that our relationship with him could be restored and we could be adopted into his family. God planned for us to be his children before time began “having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will” (Ephesians 3:5).

Galations 4:4 – 7 says:

But when the fullness of the time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive the adoption as sons.
And because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your hearts, crying out, “Abba, Father!” Therefore you are no longer a slave but a son, and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ.

Keeping the gospel in mind can help us to know how to respond to some of the objections to adoption that are often raised. Many people are hesitant about inter-country adoption, or inter-racial adoption. Remember that God has adopted into his family people of every tribe and tongue and nation. He does not discriminate against any, but meets the needs of all. Christian families do well when they reflect the diversity of the family of God. Many people also have concerns about the child’s background, and whether they will cause trouble in their adoptive family. Remember that although we rebelled against God and even hated him, he forgave and welcomed us into his family.

At the end of January, I hope to post more on adoption.

Who will care for the orphans?

God tells us in the book of James that pure religion cares for orphans and widows. Since marrying Dave and realising the enormous orphan problem in South Africa, I've grown increasingly determined to do anything I can to help orphans. Dave has also become increasingly passionate about this part of God's word. It is as though marriage has helped us to more deeply understand what God has called us to as Christ's followers.

We would love to adopt as many orphans as we could care for, but currently all doors toward doing that are firmly slammed shut. They will be for at least another three years, and maybe even after that. We recognise that only God can open these doors, and if he chooses not to we will never adopt any children. This grieves us deeply, and has brought me to tears several times, but we can't give up on caring about orphans simply because we cannot make adoption happen.

This afternoon I have been researching two organisations that help orphans, which we could perhaps support through our prayers and donations.

I'm excited about Izulu Orphan Projects in South Africa, where we could perhaps even visit orphan households we were supporting. We may be able to further investigate the work of this organisation when we next travel to SA.

I've also been investigating the blog of Paul Myhill, who is based in the USA and has a focus on orphans across the world.

You may also be interested in Ithemba Lethu, an amazing organisation that Dave's former church began. Ithemba Lethu runs a transition home, from which they aim to return children to their former communities or place them in foster or adoptive homes. The babies there are fed with donated breast milk, the best possible food for them!

Please pray for us as we seek out ways to care for orphans. We would love to do more than "just" give or pray, but right now that seems to be the maximum we can do. Pray that God will lead us to more opportunities to live out his command.

Little ones

There have been some little ones at our house recently . . .


Esther came to stay the night. We had fun together including making alphabet cookies, working on her alphabet scrapbook, making pizza, and going for a walk.


Janelle has also been letting me have the really little ones . . .


Jeriah and Caleb now come to visit on their own when Janelle has activities she needs to do with Esther. Such charming little men they are too :).

Aidan and Jen's wedding

Two weeks ago my brother Aidan was married to the lovely Jen!

My parents now have an "empty nest", with all four of their children married.

It is a great blessing that my mother, a devout Christian, has been able to see all of her children married in Christian ceremonies. What a joy in this generation of "shacking up" together! Mum prayed a very heartfelt prayer during the wedding ceremony, and this was one of the most touching parts of the day. Her faithfulness has left a legacy of faith, and her prayers will continue to be effective as she brings her children before God regularly.

Congratulations Susan!

I love Susan's clever announcement of her honeymoon baby. I am thrilled for Susan . . . and maybe a teeny bit jealous!

Why throw out the birth control? Why love disabled disabled babies?

Over the years I've read Barbara Curtis' blog on and off . . . and been especially blessed by her perspective on down syndrome and loving children who are disabled. You can read one of her posts on this here and gain a new perspective on what down syndrome kids "look like".

She writes . . .

The fear is irrational but real. When women have never known a person with Down syndrome and have absorbed the implicit message of all the prenatal testing - that you don't have to have a baby who isn't "perfect" - then they panic when the diagnosis comes back positive. They're not thinking clearly, they're pressured to make a quick decision, and often they're advised by professionals to "terminate" and give it another chance.

When I talk to high school classes about this, I explain that this is the kind of decision you want to make in advance - even before you get married. And it's the kind of thing you want to talk about with a future spouse. Life comes at you fast - it's really wise to know where you stand on important issues like this before you begin to even think about marriage. Because this is the kind of issue which can tear a marriage apart.

Barbara opposes this culture of death with her pen and with her life . . . she has given birth to one child with down syndrome and adopted three more.

I was also interested to read Barbara's article on Christianity Today about Why some evangelicals are throwing out their birth control. This part particularly struck me, because it expresses my thoughts and my story so well.

Among younger Christian moms, many report going on The Pill before their wedding day as a matter of course – expected by their parents, their in-laws, and everyone else. Some report paradigm shifts set off by side effects: depression, weight gain, lack of sex drive.

Others discovered to their horror – since they considered themselves pro-life – that the pill can act as an abortifacient. They gave it up immediately.

While some went on to barrier methods, for others the shakeup of their preconceived ideas led them to rethink and scrap birth control altogether.

Many who structured their marriages to come off The Pill when they felt ready have been disappointed to find that fertility isn’t something we can turn off and on like a light switch. They struggle with infertility and miscarriages – adding up to much more time than they bargained for waiting for a baby.

I have never used hormonal bith control, but finding out about the effects of the Pill (thanks to Randy Alcorn and Eternal Perspective Ministries) did change my whole view of birth control in general . . . so much so that marrying someone who agreed was a priority. I don't feel at all "superior" to others who make different choices. I am just immensely grateful to God that he showed me parts of his truth in this area, so that I could avoid the heartbreak of making choices I could have regretted for the rest of my life.

Barbara is a wise woman. I am grateful to her, to other writers on the Internet, and especially to Eternal Perspective Ministries for changing my perspective on God's plan for family life.

Children memorising the Bible

It was a great encouragementy to read Crystals thoughts on memorising the Bible with children. What a wonderful legacy she will leave to her daughters! There is no greater gift than the word of God himself.

One of my goals with this blog is simply to point any readers I have to women wiser than myself. Women who have persevered through different trials and experiences, and who have godly wisdom to share as a result. They have learnt more fully how to love God and others.

Titus 2 tells young women to love their children - and Crystal is one example of someone who is doing just that!