Thursday, September 13, 2007

Being prepared

My recent posts on honeymoon lovin' have resulted in comments that are very helpful to me in understanding some of the problems people can have. I have also received emails privately, one of which has helped me to understand that some women are unaware of basic details about physical intimacy and/or think these things are sinful. I deeply appreciate the time people have taken to email me and/or comment, and the respect they have shown in expressing their disagreements. If anyone else would like to do so, my new email address is I may not reply quickly, as I do not have much time for the Internet.

From my first post, I have never advocated total ignorance. I also do not think this is the norm. My mother, who married over thirty years ago, said that she had no problems and there was no need to analyse physical intimacy or read books about it! To paraphrase her comment: "You just enjoy sex with your husband!". I am grateful to those who have written in to let me know that for many women, it just isn't that easy. This has helped me to understand that some women may need months to think about these things and process new information.

In general, I completely agree with the advice Candice Watters gave in Prep for the Wedding Night. Candice is a wise woman, with many years of marriage behind her and a good understanding of the temptations of human nature.
A candid conversation with an older married woman you trust would be helpful a few weeks before the wedding. You really don't need much time to prepare. And your fiancé will need even less. He should have a similar talk with a man he trusts (ideally you would be taking to married spouses) a few days before the wedding. Any sooner than that will just leave him tempted to fantasize.
Candice explains the value of godly mentors, and goes on to write:
Be careful not to overdo it. A little preparation before the wedding will go a long way. You can anticipate a honeymoon full of the time and privacy you'll need to explore, discover and practice — that's what it's for, or used to be, when bride and groom were virgins. And when the honeymoon's over, you'll have a lifetime together to learn about sex and get good at having it.
So much of what Candice says has me saying "Amen, sister!"
The more you save for the honeymoon, the better it will be! Have fun, enjoy one another and this wonderful gift. And relax, most of what you need to know can be learned together after the wedding.
However, while Candice's advice may be generally applicable, there are situations where it would not be best. If you are a person with very little knowledge of the process of physical intimacy, it may be wise to consult someone months before the wedding. If no one is available, a book would be a good option. Books may also be a good option for those who feel very inhibited or embarassed about this area of God's creation.

In case every single person is about to exit my blog thinking that the only topics it will ever cover are those related to honeymoon lovin', fear not! This is the last post I plan to do on this in the near future.

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